Have you ever wanted to go back in time and say all those things that never had the chance to be said? As most of you know, I lost my father at a young age, and there are so many things that I wish I could go back and say… Sometimes, just to try and help it, I write him letters. So here you go… A letter to my dad.
So often I’ve thought of what I might say to you if I could see you just one more time. I miss you more than words can say. I have wished every single day for the past 14 years that you were here to guide me, to protect me, and to comfort me when things go wrong. More than anything, what I would like to say is that I love you and I’m sorry. I may have been a child, but I wish I had had a bit more understanding to your health. I wish I had taken every possible opportunity to have given you a hug. I wish I had told you that I loved you.
I want you to know that you taught me the most important lesson that I’ve ever learned at 12 years old… Unfortunately, it was your death that taught me this lesson. I will never go a single second without telling someone how I feel about them, even if I am mad as hell, they will know just how much I love them. I have long had the regret of not telling you that last day that I loved you that one last time. I never thought that you wouldn’t make it home. I always thought that you would be there. The truth is though, I was angry… I was angry because you were this great big guy, the strongest man I knew, and you were supposed to be there for me. All I saw at the end though was someone who was giving up his fight. It hurt me to see that.
I wish that you had been there to tell me that Gary was not the man that I needed to marry. I wish you could have enforced my continuing my education before getting married and having a family. I wish that you could see your grandsons though… They remind me of you so much with the little grins that they keep on their faces.
I wish that you could see this wonderful man that I love. You would laugh at how that irritating little boy has turned into a great man. You always said that would happen. You would pick on me about roaming the country only to find love at home, where I belong. I’m sure you would remind me that my roots are here, but tell me that it’s okay to leave… Just make sure to take care of Moma. I can hear you say it. You loved her more than life itself. She was your life. I have tried my entire life to find someone that I could love the way that you loved her, and right now, I’m sure that I have, because I have lived life with him, and I’ve lived life without him, and I can tell you, I wouldn’t trade one minute with him for two without him, and I’m sure that’s how you felt about her.
I hope you are listening to me up there… And I hope that one day I see you again. I love you Papa…
Your baby girl,