Well, the boyfriend's birthday came and went this past Wednesday. I worked my tail off to make sure to make it to my doctor's appointment, get back to work, then home to clean house and bake a cake. Please keep in mind that I received some unsettling news at this appointment and all I really wanted to do was drink myself into an oblivion and sulk in my bed... Anyhow, I went about my day like nothing had happened...
I was shocked to see the nonstop Facebook messages and at how many people stopped me in town to ask "What are you doing for Steven's birthday?" I guess I have been away for so long now that I just didn't realize how much it would matter to some people... I forget that people in a small town are so close knit that they know your business before you do. Which was what they wanted to be the case with Steven's birthday. Little did they know what I actually did for him. Rather, tried to do... He worked late and came to my house to find me passed out already. Oops... I'm a bad girlfriend...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
I Know Love Exists...
As I sit here tonight, I can't help but to smile. I'm smiling because even after everything I've been through, I know love exists. That's right people, love exists!
Love exists in my children. In the way that they run to give me a hug when I pick them up after a long day at work. In the way they try to help around the house. Love exists!
Tonight, we got a new puppy... Her name is Charli. That's right, Charli... No "e" because she's a girl. She's a lab mix, my boyfriend's sister gave her to me. And she's so sweet. The first thing Micheal did was pick her up and immediately tell her that her name was Charli. Yes, he named yet another dog, and it stuck because Kyle began to call her that too and it grew on me. The next thing he did was say "I love you Charli." My little boy loves our new dog. Love does exist.
Another way that I know love exists: When I moved back to town and immediately fell into a pattern of old mistakes, I did a sorry job of getting out of that pattern, I went into another bad pattern. I came back to my sister's house one day after work and immediately grabbed a drink. I then proceeded to make myself into an idiot. This guy I knew stopped to pick on my sister, and I went out and insisted that he pull his truck over and come talk to me because I hadn't seen him since he was little. He stayed half the night and talked to me. The next night, he came back (although I will never understand why). The night after that, which was quite possibly the worst that week, he came back again and I realized this was probably one of the nicest guys I knew and he would make a pretty good friend.
Fast forward to a week later- I was still in a bad pattern of mistakes... Still drinking, but not as much. He continued to come by every night, and I continued to enjoy hanging out with my new found friend. I kissed him on the cheek that night when he left. And when he went to say something about it, I really kissed him.
The next day, I pretended that it had never happened. I didn't want to start a new relationship, and especially not with him... I kissed him goodbye again that night though, I just really liked those kisses.
One night I poured my heart out and explained to him that I didn't want anything other than what we were right then; friends that would kiss every now and then, but just friends. I told him that I wasn't the person that he needed in his life and gave him every reason in the world as to why he should leave and never come back. He kissed me that night and continued to come over every night.
After yet another night of me giving this wonderful man every reason in the world why I wasn't the person for him, he left, kissed me goodbye, and I sat crying in the living room sure that it had worked this time. My sister was sure that I was nuts for trying to make him run away and then crying when I thought it had worked. That night, I got the longest text I had ever seen on my phone. It basically said that he would always be there waiting until I was ready, he wasn't giving up on me. I started to let myself fall in love with him after that text, but refused to let him know it.
I would still test him by giving him new reasons every day as to why he should find someone else. We would go out to lunch and I would point out all the hot girls that he could be with... I would point out things I couldn't do because I had kids at home, and I would point out that there were all kinds of bad things about being with someone who had been married before. He never listened, but of course he always had a smart comeback for whatever I would say.
One day, I got tired of being referred to as the "friend" and told him that I wanted to be his girlfriend and make this an actual relationship or just call it off right now. He laughed at me and asked when I was going to realize that it already was a relationship... He knew he had opportunities elsewhere, but didn't take them because he knew he had something good with me.
We finally went on a date after that. We had dinner with his family too. Everything was great. I would look forward to seeing my boyfriend everyday. And of course, it was of no shock to anyone. The whole town, pretty much everyone but me, already knew we were dating. They had gotten used to seeing him stop by in the morning for coffee after he got off work, and seeing him there for dinner before he went in to work. They knew that I was the only person that rode on the back of his motorcycle. There was even a time when I was spotted running and jumping in the driver's seat to his truck and refusing to let him leave... He tried to grab me and I wrapped my arms and legs around him and buried my face into his chest. That was a really good day. Until a certain person drove by and told us to take it out of the street that is...
Shortly after that, I knew I was completely in love with him... But I have never been the one to admit that first. So one morning when he came by for coffee, I not so casually brought the subject up by hinting around. He finally looked at me and told me that he had been in love with me since our first kiss, and even more so when I decided that he and I were actually dating.
Love does exist, and I am so happy to realize that it does.
Love exists in my children. In the way that they run to give me a hug when I pick them up after a long day at work. In the way they try to help around the house. Love exists!
Tonight, we got a new puppy... Her name is Charli. That's right, Charli... No "e" because she's a girl. She's a lab mix, my boyfriend's sister gave her to me. And she's so sweet. The first thing Micheal did was pick her up and immediately tell her that her name was Charli. Yes, he named yet another dog, and it stuck because Kyle began to call her that too and it grew on me. The next thing he did was say "I love you Charli." My little boy loves our new dog. Love does exist.
Another way that I know love exists: When I moved back to town and immediately fell into a pattern of old mistakes, I did a sorry job of getting out of that pattern, I went into another bad pattern. I came back to my sister's house one day after work and immediately grabbed a drink. I then proceeded to make myself into an idiot. This guy I knew stopped to pick on my sister, and I went out and insisted that he pull his truck over and come talk to me because I hadn't seen him since he was little. He stayed half the night and talked to me. The next night, he came back (although I will never understand why). The night after that, which was quite possibly the worst that week, he came back again and I realized this was probably one of the nicest guys I knew and he would make a pretty good friend.
Fast forward to a week later- I was still in a bad pattern of mistakes... Still drinking, but not as much. He continued to come by every night, and I continued to enjoy hanging out with my new found friend. I kissed him on the cheek that night when he left. And when he went to say something about it, I really kissed him.
The next day, I pretended that it had never happened. I didn't want to start a new relationship, and especially not with him... I kissed him goodbye again that night though, I just really liked those kisses.
One night I poured my heart out and explained to him that I didn't want anything other than what we were right then; friends that would kiss every now and then, but just friends. I told him that I wasn't the person that he needed in his life and gave him every reason in the world as to why he should leave and never come back. He kissed me that night and continued to come over every night.
After yet another night of me giving this wonderful man every reason in the world why I wasn't the person for him, he left, kissed me goodbye, and I sat crying in the living room sure that it had worked this time. My sister was sure that I was nuts for trying to make him run away and then crying when I thought it had worked. That night, I got the longest text I had ever seen on my phone. It basically said that he would always be there waiting until I was ready, he wasn't giving up on me. I started to let myself fall in love with him after that text, but refused to let him know it.
I would still test him by giving him new reasons every day as to why he should find someone else. We would go out to lunch and I would point out all the hot girls that he could be with... I would point out things I couldn't do because I had kids at home, and I would point out that there were all kinds of bad things about being with someone who had been married before. He never listened, but of course he always had a smart comeback for whatever I would say.
One day, I got tired of being referred to as the "friend" and told him that I wanted to be his girlfriend and make this an actual relationship or just call it off right now. He laughed at me and asked when I was going to realize that it already was a relationship... He knew he had opportunities elsewhere, but didn't take them because he knew he had something good with me.
We finally went on a date after that. We had dinner with his family too. Everything was great. I would look forward to seeing my boyfriend everyday. And of course, it was of no shock to anyone. The whole town, pretty much everyone but me, already knew we were dating. They had gotten used to seeing him stop by in the morning for coffee after he got off work, and seeing him there for dinner before he went in to work. They knew that I was the only person that rode on the back of his motorcycle. There was even a time when I was spotted running and jumping in the driver's seat to his truck and refusing to let him leave... He tried to grab me and I wrapped my arms and legs around him and buried my face into his chest. That was a really good day. Until a certain person drove by and told us to take it out of the street that is...
Shortly after that, I knew I was completely in love with him... But I have never been the one to admit that first. So one morning when he came by for coffee, I not so casually brought the subject up by hinting around. He finally looked at me and told me that he had been in love with me since our first kiss, and even more so when I decided that he and I were actually dating.
Love does exist, and I am so happy to realize that it does.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Where to start? The Beginning...
In February, I divorced my husband of nearly five years and moved back home to Lumpkin, GA. The reason for the divorce is not the center of this blog and therefor will be left a story untold.
On February 19th, 2010, I found myself back in Georgia for the first time in over two years and knew that I would be back and living there permanently for the first time in over five years. The primary focus that I had would be to find a job, any job... There had to be work somewhere. Luckily for me, finding a place to live was easy. My mother and my sister had both come to my rescue and offered me and my children a home under either roof for as long as necessary. On February 20th, we had my youngest son's second birthday party and everyone's focus was on just where this job of mine would be. By February 22, I had updated my resume, unpacked my nicest clothes, washed and ironed them, and I hit the pavement looking for a job. Having primarily a sales and management background, that was the type of work I sought, as well as some type of administrative positions. The first phone call that I received for an interview was with a car company in Americus. Amazingly enough, I got the job.
I started work the next Tuesday. I continued looking for another job because the hours were too long and I was working six days a week. I hated not being able to spend time with my boys. While dropping Micheal off at head start one day, a job listing was brought to my attention for Enrichment Services. I applied and was asked to interview on March 15th, and then received a call on March 16th asking me to report to work on the 17th. I was excited! The job was in my hometown, Lumpkin, Georgia, and was right down the street from Micheal's head start class and the elementary school.
I worked hard as soon as I started for Enrichment Services. The position that I had was only temporary, but I wanted to shine and be eligible for a permanent one. After a few months, one came open. The position was available in Chattahoochee County, just a few minutes up the road from me. This was thrilling, I jumped at the opportunity when it was offered as a temporary position. I then interviewed to take it permanently after starting work there and getting to know the people. This was the job that I truly thought that I wanted and had searched for for so long.
This leads me to now... I did not receive the position. I am currently filling the office until they find someone else for it. I have resumes out and am currently looking for work wherever I can find it. I have an interview set up for next week... It is in Lumpkin as well. I am hoping that I receive this position, it is one where I will be allowed to help my community and try to make improvements in my town and county as well as my children's school.
Well, this is enough for today. Perhaps I will post more tomorrow...
On February 19th, 2010, I found myself back in Georgia for the first time in over two years and knew that I would be back and living there permanently for the first time in over five years. The primary focus that I had would be to find a job, any job... There had to be work somewhere. Luckily for me, finding a place to live was easy. My mother and my sister had both come to my rescue and offered me and my children a home under either roof for as long as necessary. On February 20th, we had my youngest son's second birthday party and everyone's focus was on just where this job of mine would be. By February 22, I had updated my resume, unpacked my nicest clothes, washed and ironed them, and I hit the pavement looking for a job. Having primarily a sales and management background, that was the type of work I sought, as well as some type of administrative positions. The first phone call that I received for an interview was with a car company in Americus. Amazingly enough, I got the job.
I started work the next Tuesday. I continued looking for another job because the hours were too long and I was working six days a week. I hated not being able to spend time with my boys. While dropping Micheal off at head start one day, a job listing was brought to my attention for Enrichment Services. I applied and was asked to interview on March 15th, and then received a call on March 16th asking me to report to work on the 17th. I was excited! The job was in my hometown, Lumpkin, Georgia, and was right down the street from Micheal's head start class and the elementary school.
I worked hard as soon as I started for Enrichment Services. The position that I had was only temporary, but I wanted to shine and be eligible for a permanent one. After a few months, one came open. The position was available in Chattahoochee County, just a few minutes up the road from me. This was thrilling, I jumped at the opportunity when it was offered as a temporary position. I then interviewed to take it permanently after starting work there and getting to know the people. This was the job that I truly thought that I wanted and had searched for for so long.
This leads me to now... I did not receive the position. I am currently filling the office until they find someone else for it. I have resumes out and am currently looking for work wherever I can find it. I have an interview set up for next week... It is in Lumpkin as well. I am hoping that I receive this position, it is one where I will be allowed to help my community and try to make improvements in my town and county as well as my children's school.
Well, this is enough for today. Perhaps I will post more tomorrow...
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
A New Beginning...
I have been an avid blogger now for quite some time. I have chosen to start a blog with a more serious writing style. I will still keep the old one, and will still write on that site, this one is just what it says, a new beginning. It's about life in a small town and returning to the town that I grew up in.
I would like to take this opportunity to invite you all to join me on this journey and to follow my blog.
I would like to take this opportunity to invite you all to join me on this journey and to follow my blog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)